Regrets

I'm officially a mum. For 2 months and 18 days. And it has been life changing, mind blowing, and I'll be lying if I say it is not stressful  but most importantly very happy to have Malaika.
Right now I'm lying on my bed trying to write while she lay next to me. Ayah went for a recording job so we are left with each other. Oh not forgetting my other kids Along and Gummy are also in the room with us right now. Very kaypohci one these 2..

So far.. I have regretted few things.. and of them is for not preparing enough for the life after Labour Room. No. More accurate. Life after that last push. I didn't get to read so much, I was too focus on work  that I didn't  read much on breastfeeding, infant care, and some other things. I'm not trying to give an excuse but. I can't not focus on work when I'm at work. With treatments, surgery and paperwork how can I ignore.. and by the time I'm home I'm tired..
I read. But not enough and my mind was narrowed down to Meekro (then was what we called Malaika) progress in my womb. The cord issue. I was just reading on baby's progress on babycentre.com and filling up my pink book.
And when the day comes, 7th February 2016, 9pm I pushed and pushed in pain and by 8th February 2016 at 12:15am, she came into our world. And our crazy, hectic and happy life began..

That night after they took Malaika to clean her up, my blood pressure went up to the roof as they stitch me up. It was damn painful. And they monitored me for almost 2 hours before they push us into our room. There is no First Class wards at Hospital Ampang so I settled for a second class. And after half an hour my husband stayed with me he left for home. And I'm left all alone. They don't allow anyone to wait for you. I was too tired and sleepy I didn't think much.
Until Malaika cried on top of her lungs. Lapar. Tried to breastfeed . But don't really know whether I'm doing the right thing. She kept crying. I remembered feeling useless . After a good 5 minutes only a nurse came and in the low light room she tried to teach me in about 1 minute. Malaika stopped crying but I really was not sure what am I doing. Big regret. Never crossed my mind during that 9 months to go for breastfeeding class.. I'm still regretting till now.
Hm too much sad feelings tonight.
I need to sleep.